I was the Master of the Ceremony at a recent wedding. My duties according to Rachel Green, ‘Being a Master of Ceremonies at a wedding: Tips on how to be a good Master of Ceremonies’, http://www.truebride.com.au/wedding_tip_master_of_ceremony.asp were to:
- Prepare a detailed running sheet and share it – the bride and groom did this
- Keep everything flowing smoothly.
- Keep everything and everyone to time – we got ahead of schedule.
- Get the introductions and protocol correct – only one incorrect introduction.
- Leave everyone feeling proud of the “happy couple” – my impression was that this certainly occurred.
- Help the guests feel comfortable and connected.
- Make sure everyone knows what is happening.
- Do not crack irrelevant jokes.
- When alcohol is present be prepared for anything – alcohol was present but served only to foster delight.
I have now been to nine weddings. The first was my brother’s, two were my own, two my eldest son, one for the younger, a mixed Greek Orthodox-Indian ceremony, and a friend of the family. I can’t remember the ceremony at my brother’s but there was a fight at the reception, which was held in a backyard in Perth. I think it was between the bride’s brothers. My first wedding was at the Wayside Chapel in Potts Point and the celebrant was Ted Noffs – I can’t recall the reception. My second wedding was at Petersham in the front garden with the reception spread throughout the house. I remember it as a success with great friends, food and music (and I was the MC). I wont go into the details of the other weddings other than that they were memorable.
I like the ceremony of a wedding. Apart from the public statement by the couple marrying, it brings people together and the gathering always seems to me to generate hope and optimism. This recent wedding was one such event. The groom is a very old friend; someone who I consider to be reliable, sensible, sensitive, well educated and well read. His first family has been partially successful; a difficult partner and one child schizophrenic (I think) but the two girls are great people. The bride, who we have known for about five years, has transformed his life. She has two exceptional boys and this new coming together of a larger family has made everyone pleased.
We gathered in the garden of an historic inn in small country town on the fringe of the Monaro. I had misgivings about the weather – it can be bleak there if the wind blows – but it was a warm, sunny, still day. The garden was one of those well-established ‘cottage’ types with a grand array of ground cover and a mix of mature deciduous trees that had yet to shed their leaves. I arrived at 10:00 a.m., far too early, and proceeded to develop a rare case of stress over my role. I had forgotten the list of guests with introductory notes so I would know their connection to the couple. As people arrived I was unable to approach and introduce myself and ease their entry into the congregation. However, the natural gathering into the respective groups of friends occurred and in the 30 minutes waiting for the ceremony, people mingled in the warmth of the outdoors. The Celebrant announced that the ceremony was to begin and with practiced people-skills, brought the participants into a semi-circle beneath a mature tree, performed the ceremony, including the signing and group photo, with a mix of appropriate solemnity and jokery. It was a moving moment.
The reception was relaxed and well organized by the caterers. My role became simple; announce the programme, introduce the couple’s entrance with a toast, and then announce the speakers. The speeches were excellent. The Groom’s younger sister, with great warmth and humour, welcomed the Bride into their family. The Groom’s daughter delivered a sparkling ‘Father of the Bride’ reversal – mature daughter to newly wedded father. The Bride cried, the children jousted with the wedding bouquets, and there was much mingling, catching-up and fun. It was all over too soon and we departed with a glow that tradition is alive and meaningful.
What do weddings and marriage symbolize? The Groom gave us Rainer Maria Rilke’s[1] interpretation:
Marriage is in many ways a simplification of life, and it naturally combines the strengths and wills of two people so that, together, they seem to reach farther into the future than they did before. Above all, marriage is a new task and a new seriousness, – a new demand on the strength and generosity of each partner, and a great new danger for both.
The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of their solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side by side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
That is why this too must be the criterion for rejection or choice: whether you are willing to stand guard over someone else’s solitude, and whether you are able to set this same person at the gate of your own depths, which he learns of only through what steps forth, in holiday clothing, out of the great darkness.
Life is self-transformation, and human relationships, which are an extract of life, are the most changeable of all, they rise and fall from minute to minute, and lovers are those for whom no moment is like any another. People between whom nothing habitual ever takes place, nothing that has already existed, but just what is new, unexpected, unprecedented. There are such connections, which must be a very great, an almost unbearable happiness, but they can occur only between very rich beings, between those who have become, each for his own sake, rich, calm, and concentrated; only if two worlds are wide and deep and individual can they be combined. … For the more we are, the richer everything we experience is. And those who want to have a deep love in their lives must collect and save for it, and gather honey.
And from Wikipedia:
A wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage or a similar institution. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of wedding vows by the couple, presentation of a gift (offering, ring(s), symbolic item, flowers, money), and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or leader. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers or readings from Scripture or literature also may be incorporated into the ceremony.
Casting about internationally, here are some wedding ceremonies from Wedding Traditions and Customs around the World, http://www.worldweddingtraditions.com/
On her wedding day, it is a Moroccan wedding custom for the bride to have a ceremonial purification milk bath before a ritual henna painting (Beberiska) of her hands and feet. Once the couples wedding vows have been exchanged, and before the newlywed Moroccan bride becomes the mistress of her new home, she walks around the outside of her house three times.
An Armenian bride may wear a red silk wedding gown and a cardboard headpiece shaped into wings and covered with feathers. A pair of doves is released, symbolizing love and happiness. Wedding guests throw coins at the bride during the wedding reception.
An Iranian groom would purchase the ceremonial wedding dress for his bride-to-be. This gown consisted of ten feet of sheeting that he would wrap around his intended wife. After the newlyweds have exchanged their wedding vows, crumbs from two decorated sugar cones are shaved over their heads for good luck.
Before a Korean bride may be married, she must take part in the traditional Introduction ceremony, where she is accepted into the groom’s family. After the Korean newlyweds have exchanged their wedding vows, the groom, formally, introduces his new wife to his parents.
When a traditional Orthodox couple get married in Russia, they are crowned as royalty for the day. The bride and groom must stand on a special carpet as they recite their marriage vows. Once the reception celebration has begun, a relative or close friend will make a wedding toast to the bride and groom. In keeping with Russian custom, everyone throws their champagne glasses on the floor. It is considered good luck if the glasses break when they hit the ground.
A Muslim wedding program in Turkey lasts from four to seven days, starting with separate celebrations of the bride and groom’s families. From this day on, the couple getting married cannot see each other until their wedding ceremony. A Turkish bride might wear a beautifully embroidered silk wedding dress with a red velvet cape.
Yemeni wedding celebrations include the entire community. Music plays an important role at the wedding reception. Professional musicians, as well as the guests, participate in the traditional custom of “gladdening the bride” with music.
Australia Wedding fashions have changed over the years, but the white wedding dress is still traditionally worn by brides in Australia, reflecting a custom which dates back many centuries. A bible is often given as a wedding gift, which is kept as a precious souvenir for future generations. The traditions which are known and loved in the western world are all present here – the wedding cake, the exchange of rings and the reception with friends and family. Australian weddings will often bring together extended family members, and a couple’s marriage will provide a wonderful opportunity for everyone to celebrate the start of their new life together.
The description of the Australian wedding stretches credulity. Nine weddings is not a large sample but I haven’t seen the bible exchange. And Lisl M. Spangenberg’s review of Timeless Traditions : A couple’s guide to wedding customs around the world (Paperback) adds further doubt to ‘Wedding Traditions’:
This would be a fantastic book, if only the traditions were true. Or if the author wrote “In this country they SOMETIMES do this and this at a wedding”, but no. … I come from Norway and have never heard about these so-called “Norwegian wedding traditions”, nor has anyone I know, old or young and spread all over the country. “Green is a favorite dress color, and even if the brides wear different colors, the bridesmaids stick to green”. … green has NEVER been a common color for a wedding dress, ever. … I have also no idea what this “traditional Norwegian wedding cake” is supposed to be. A cake made of bread with syrup and cheese? Huh? This makes me think, if these “facts” are wrong, what other traditions are wrong … ?
Then there are the movies: Monsoon Wedding ‘depicting romantic entanglements during a traditional Punjabi wedding in Delhi’ (which I enjoyed) is on ‘the Best 50 Wedding Movies of all time’ – I have appended this list.
Returning to writing, J.G. Ballard[2] records enthusiastically:
Family life has been very important to me, far more important, I suspect than to people of my parents’ generation. … The family and all the emotions within it are a way of testing one’s better qualities, a trampoline on which one can leap even higher, holding one’s wife and children by their hands. … I enjoyed being married, the first real security I had ever known ….
From ‘Resorts help more people to say ‘I will’’, The Australian, May 22, 2010, http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/resorts-help-more-people-to-say-i-will/story-e6frg6nf-1225869803879
Liam and Angela Fordham, from Brisbane, were married yesterday at Mantra on Salt Beach at Kingscliff in northern NSW, where the number of weddings has quadrupled in the past year since more facilities were added. Mrs Fordham, 25, said she knew she wanted to marry her 29-year-old partner at Kingscliff when she saw the location. “We like the water and Liam used to go on family holidays there,” Mrs Fordham said.
I think back on why we got married and I remember now it being a statement of confidence in our future. It has been a solid, exciting, rewarding, developing and interesting partnership and over the years we have both had a variety of work experiences to share, an extended family to enjoy, friends to embrace, vicissitudes to work through. We recently participated in a 50th wedding anniversary; old friends, who came to our wedding, and their children and grandchildren and it was significant in that diversity was evident in the different partners and their children. Perhaps the real reason for weddings is simply the continuing evolution of the species.
But then consider all those arranged marriages for political reasons. The most notable information in John Norwich’s, A Short History of Byzantium, was the trade in children and widows in arranged marriages to shore up an increasingly weird empire. Rome, Byzantium, India, etcetera, have traded women, and many cultures continue this practice. Ellis Peters writes of the arranged marriage in The Leper of Saint Giles, portraying a convenient merging of land, wealth and power though a forced marriage of a young woman to an elderly noble. And then on the fringe of ‘arranged marriage’ is the honour killing; a woman has shamed her family and is murdered. As bizarre are the acid attacks on women, common in South Asia. These make our conventional weddings remarkably peaceful events and I consider my recent experience with appreciation for civil behaviour and a no-frills gathering.
The best 50 wedding movies of all time
http://www.yourwedding101.com/wedding-songs/best-wedding-movies.aspx, ‘A fantastic way for soon-to-be brides and grooms to get in the wedding mood or to get some ideas for you own wedding is to curl up with a romantic flick’ (an odd sentence which I had to read several times). I include the full 50 (including the author’s numbering) more out of interest than in striving for accuracy as no data supporting the ranking is supplied.
1. The Wedding Singer (1994) – Starring Adam Sandler & Drew Barrymore
2. The Princess Bride (1987) – Starring Cary Elwes & Robin Wright Penn
3. It Had to be You (1947) – Starring Ginger Rogers & Cornel Wilde
4. Father of the Bride (1991) – Starring Steve Martin & Kimberly Williams
5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) – Starring Nia Vardalos & John Corbett
6. Betsy’s Wedding (1990) – Starring Molly Ringwald & Alan Alda
7. Monsoon Wedding (2001) – Starring Vasundhara Das & Parvin Dabas
8. My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) – Starring Julia Roberts & Dermot Mulroney
1. Muriel’s Wedding (1994) – Starring Toni Collette & Daniel Lapaine
2. The Wedding Planner (2001) – Starring Jennifer Lopez & Matthew McConaughey
3. American Weddingg (2003) – Starring Eugene Levy & Jason Biggs
4. Runaway Bride (1999) – Starring Julia Roberts & Richard Gere
5. Moonstruck (1987) – Starring Cher & Nicolas Cage
6. The In-Laws (2003) – Starring Michael Douglas & Albert Brooks
7. That Old Feeling (1997) – Starring Bette Midler & Dennis Farina
8. Honeymoon in Vegas (1992) – Starring Sarah Jessica Parker & Nicolas Cage
9. Best Men (1997) – Starring Drew Barrymore & Luke Wilson
10. Bollywood/Hollywood (2002) – Starring Rahul Khanna & Lisa Ray
11. Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) – Starring Hugh Grant & Andie MacDowell
12. The Catered Affair (1956) – Debbie Reynolds & Rod Taylor
13. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954) – Starring Howard Keel & Jane Powell
14. It Happened One Night (1934) – Starring Clark Gable & Claudette Colbert
15. Meet the Parents (2000) – Starring Ben Stiller & Robert De Niro
16. Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? (1967) – Starring Sidney Poitier & Katharine Hepburn
17. Only You (1994) – Starring Marisa Tomei & Robert Downey Jr.
18. Sense and Sensibility (1995) – Starring Emma Thompson & Hugh Grant
19. An Officer and a Gentleman (1982) Starring Richard Gere & Debra Winger
20. Green Card (1990) – Starring Grard Depardieu & Andie MacDowell
21. Fools Rush In (1997) – Starring Matthew Perry & Salma Hayek
22. The Quiet Man (1952) – Starring John Wayne & Maureen O’Hara
23. The Birdcage (1996) – Starring Robin Williams & Nathan Lane
24. Love Story (1970) – Starring Ali MacGraw & Ryan O’Neal
25. She’s Having a Baby (1988) – Starring Kevin Bacon & Elizabeth McGovern
26. The Cowboy and the Lady (1938) – Starring Gary Cooper & Merle Oberon
27. Smokie and the Bandit (1977) – Starring Burt Reynolds & Sally Field
28. Sweet Home Alabama (2002) – Starring Josh Lucas & Reese Witherspoon
29. Big Fish (2003) – Starring Albert Finney & Ewan McGregor
30. True Romance (1993) – Starring Christian Slayter & Patricia Arquette
31. How to Marry a Millionaire (1953) – Starring Marilyn Monroe & Lauren Bacall
32. Anna Karenina (1935) – Starring Greta Garbo & Fredric March
33. Arthur (1981) – Starring Dudley Moore & Liza Minnelli
34. When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) – Starring Meg Ryan & Andy Garcia
35. The Notebook (2004) – Starring Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams
36. So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) – Starring Mike Myers & Nancy Travis
37. Sabrina (1954) – Starring Humphrey Bogart & Audrey Hepburn
38. The Way We Were (1973) – Starring Barbara Streisand & Robert Redford
39. Ever After (1998) – Starring Drew Barrymore & Dougray Scott
40. An Affair to Remember (1957) – Starring Cary Grant & Deborah Kerr
41. Gone with the Wind (1939) – Starring Clark Gable & Vivien Leigh
42. First Knight (1995) – Julia Ormond, Richard Gere & Sean Connory
Without viewing these there is probably more drama and comedy here than the seriousness of weddings and marriage.